I was a fat kid growing up. And when you’re young, adorable, and have bright green eyes untouched by substance, it’s totally fine to be fat. As a matter of fact, it kinda even works out in your favor. I mean, after all, people love feeding adorable fat little creatures shit they shouldn’t eat. So as I got fatter, I got more food, and hence was “happier”…
But then I grew up a bit and I arrived at that magical age of 13. Which for adolescent boys means you’re slowly realizing that if you had just played your cards right(i.e. not stuffing your fat little face with more sour cream than taco at each and every moment of your life), other people besides you would probably be playing with your penis now! I mean, I, we, all know of people who were getting busy at an early age. And frankly none of them were fat. They also, frankly, were people who peaked early and thanks to FACEBOOK can still recall their best days.
During those formidable years, sex, and the act of losing my virginity became very consuming. I know for me, it was something that was not only consuming, but also something that was used as a bit of a scapegoat. Which is hilarious in hindsight. And not just for a moment mind you, but for years, I viewed my inability to get laid as what was holding me back from real goals and accomplishments. As if I couldn’t dunk, get good grades, or give a fuck if I had only put my penis in a vagina. Hilarious. I wish I could just go back and tell my 15-year-old self “NO, sex is NOT what is holding you back. It’s the fact that you’re 15 and a fucking know-it-all idiot that is holding you back”.
Just for the record, I never actually thought having sex would help me dunk. But to this day, I still can’t say it’s hurt my chances.
But if we could all just take a moment, as a funny, somewhat good-looking fat kid who had a lot of female friends, but could never get laid, let me just say one thing: Being able to entertain women and make them laugh, but also being entirely un-fuckable, is kinda like being a tall fit black guy who can’t dunk. It just doesn’t make any sense on paper.
Since I can’t go back in time and give myself advice, I will just have to look back at my actions and dissect them for what they were, and what they mean now.
I want to continue this in a second part, which is the actual act of losing my virginity. But for now, I will leave you with a brief overview of the story:
– Fake ID
– Making $$$$
– Flight Home Romance
– Lying about where I Live
– LOTS OF LIES, but it HAPPENED
– What I took from that then, and now.
– Part 2 Will Be Posted Tomorrow