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Chris Christie + Talking = Don’t Vote For Me

Before we get into this, I would just like everyone to take a deep breath and understand one simple underlying truth about the words that may come next: I’m almost certain that I am 100% right here, and also that I don’t actually know anything about politics outside of Frank and Claire.

Chris Christie said on “The Hugh Hewitt Show” yesterday that if he were to become president he would “crack down” on all of the states that have made marijuana legal(medically permitted states as well).

Then he elaborated as to his chief concern being the “enormous addiction problem” here in the U.S.

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BEFORE and AFTER photos from when Chris Christie had LapBand surgery and became a skinnier, yet equally douchey version of his former self.

This is the before and after photo of the esteemed Gov. and Presidential hopeful (Although he has not announced his actual run for candidacy yet). The direction in which I am going with this should be rather obvious at this point. How can you possibly take this stance when food, prescription drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes continue to kill more people than ever before? And more importantly, look at yourself, and please tell me how you can possibly judge anyone else’s lifestyle?

You know what, fuck that, don’t ask yourself any questions, we already know why. It’s because you’re a hypocrite who’s ideals are nonsensical and predominantly based on a lack of empathy and understanding for those not in your exact(or surrounding) position in life. It’s your “If I don’t need it, then neither do they” caveman mentality. Well listen here you once fat now saggy-fuck, I don’t need to stuff my piehole and sit on my ass until I need a life threatening procedure to help me stop. But do you see banning something that is apart of your life?…

Aside from his political scandals (Bridge Scandal), and his hypocritical stance regarding addiction, I would have to say that I am entirely ready to vote if he runs for office now.

I mean, for the first time since Obama proved that color is in fact irrelevant, in that even black presidents can be awful. I am ready to vote again people! Yay for me! 

I’m sorry, but I just can’t see the appeal with this guy. Obama I did, and even Bush and Clinton had their moments. But Chris Christie? Please say you’re joking America? Who actually wants his heavy handed political agenda, or his archaic and frankly offensive ideals in the White House? But as I wrote this, I also found myself kinda respecting the idea of just coming out and saying it. As oppose to promising something, or preaching an ideal, and entirely abandoning it upon ascension.

*COUGH OBAMA COUGH*

Don’t get me wrong though, admiration by association in politics is simply an irrelevant notion. Because in the end, politicians are all full of shit, so it’s just about which is lessor of the known evils. Like carbs and std’s.

So now that I am all politically charged up for when(if) Chris ever runs (and yeah, I’d just call him Chris at this point), let me just say one thing: That on that hopeful day folks, regardless of where I am or what I am doing, I will seek out the nearest voting booth, and literally vote for anyone besides him. Because at the end of the day, when you read between the lines of what these politicians do and say, they’re messages are all kinda just the same to me:

“UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD I BE TRUSTED,  AND DO NOT VOTE FOR ME, DUECES BITCHES”

– Jehan

Barack Obama, Chris Christie

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